Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Uplifting Experiences

My lift (or elevator, for States-sided folks...) and I have an interesting relationship...

It's not love-love, but it may be love-hate, I'm not sure yet. It's only two years that we've been courting, and it's been a very up and down experience I'm afraid...

Our most intimate moment was when she, and I don't know why I think she's a she..., decided that I should spend an hour with her somewhere above the seventh, and last floor, and announced her intentions with a heart-rending, if not bowel-loosening CRUNCH as we hit those giddy heights...

Much as I'm sure her intentions were pure, it wasn't that comfortable an experience for me, envisaging the seven floors-worth of hole under my feet, and now knowing exactly why and that gut-rumbling crunch actually signified...

Friends would later reassure me with tales of counter-balancing weights and strict security standards, but for some reason I'm not particularly more at ease every time I step into that fickle box.

When she wants to work, she works.

When she doesn't, she doesn't, and there's nothing you can do about it, except open and close the door, assuming it still opens, stab nervously at her mocking buttons, and, well, pray!

If I'm still outside and I can sense that she's out of sorts I just say 'Leave it!' and take the stairs.

I tried to pacify her a few months back, shortly after the shit-under-the-doormat incident, to which I'm sure she wasn't related, by putting some of my photos up in the lift every week.

It was fine for a couple of weeks, but then someone ripped one up, so it was back to boring lift-ride syndrome, coz I'm going to share my stuff just to get it ripped up.

Maybe I should try again though, just to cheer the place up a bit.

I'm not even going to tell you about the day someone pissed all over the conveniently stench-retaining carpeted walls of our communal floor-attainer. Unpleasant, to say the least. As are the worrying little pools of liquid which are often present on the floor when you get in.

Someone either has a leaking bag, a desperate dog, a very runny nose... or worse :-(

So anyway, this post has inspired me to try another posting of my photos to cheer the place up, perhaps with a comments sheet! Daring, no? I'll report back. If you don't try, you'll never know...

1 comment:

frankie said...

I have another interpretation... Lift aka elevator is of masculine gender in french, yep: 'un ascenseur'... so it may be that yours is jealous! have you been riding the lift with pretty girls lately???!!!

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